What Not To Say

What is it with people feeling like they can make comments about my head? Here is the appropriate thing to say to a woman with no hair: "You look beautiful."

That's it.

Don't tell me I look like Rhoda in my funky scarf, or that I'll look butch when it grows back (like this is a goal?), or that I must be having so much fun with wigs and scarves. Yeah, right. Don't tell me "it's just hair" and it will grow back. I can say that, but you can't. Don't tell me my head is nice and round. I really didn't want to know. I truly could have gone my entire life not knowing what I look like bald. Don't tell me that I'm saving all kinds of time not having to do hair. Really? Do you have any idea how long it takes to figure out how to tie a scarf so it will stay there all day?

My poor head has been through an awful lot this last week. The buzz cut was a good thing, and I felt pretty cool rocking the #1. As it continued to fall out, and fall all over me and everything in my path, however, it had to be shaved completely and that isn't quite as much fun. To begin with, my scalp is lily white with a 5 o'clock shadow. It hurts. It's cold all the time. I have to sleep in a buff to keep my noggin warm. Getting ready for work now has an entirely new normal requiring that I choose my HEADWEAR first, and the outfit second. Wasn't expecting this!

I've probably spent close to $350 on various coverings for my head, and so far nothing I put on makes me feel like me. That's the real issue. I feel like I'm in an unending theatrical production, playing the role of Cancer Patient. How do I look like LeeAnne while I'm wearing something on my head that I never would have chosen pre-hair loss? I don't know. I'll figure it out, but in the meantime, just tell me I look good and leave it at that.

God Bless all of you who are loving me through this crankiness. I know everyone has the best of intentions but I needed to vent. Whine over. For now.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

My hair is gone! Last night was the great Hair Removal exercise. Surrounded by loving friends (including Claudia who flew in from NY to be a part of it), I bravely succumbed to the scissors and clippers and now feel somewhat like a monk. Or look like a monk.

I only cried a tiny bit. My hair was falling out like crazy yesterday anyway, so it was time. It was a shock to see so much ME in the mirror. No hair to cover anything up. This will take some getting used to. I like it though. And my friends were absolutely lovely. They assured me I looked beautiful, and made me feel so loved and cared for. I could not have asked for a better experience.

Annie was also here and helped throughout the process. She seemed shocked by none of it and told me I looked lovely. I think she enjoyed the "girl power" energy from my friends. JJ came home from soccer practice and announced that I looked "cool" and that it was fine for me to be this way around the house. Hopefully at some point he'll decide I'm fine this way wherever I go, as truth be told I'm not a big fan of wearing anything on my head. Especially in warm weather.

So here's the newly shorn me, in my best Namaste pose. I don't feel quite THAT zen about it, but I'll get there. Really, in life's big picture this isn't that big a deal. But I'm a woman, so it is. But it's not. Whatever.

I have chemo appointment #2 this afternoon. I believe it will be just as easy as the first one.