What is it with people feeling like they can make comments about my head? Here is the appropriate thing to say to a woman with no hair: "You look beautiful."
That's it.
Don't tell me I look like Rhoda in my funky scarf, or that I'll look butch when it grows back (like this is a goal?), or that I must be having so much fun with wigs and scarves. Yeah, right. Don't tell me "it's just hair" and it will grow back. I can say that, but you can't. Don't tell me my head is nice and round. I really didn't want to know. I truly could have gone my entire life not knowing what I look like bald. Don't tell me that I'm saving all kinds of time not having to do hair. Really? Do you have any idea how long it takes to figure out how to tie a scarf so it will stay there all day?
My poor head has been through an awful lot this last week. The buzz cut was a good thing, and I felt pretty cool rocking the #1. As it continued to fall out, and fall all over me and everything in my path, however, it had to be shaved completely and that isn't quite as much fun. To begin with, my scalp is lily white with a 5 o'clock shadow. It hurts. It's cold all the time. I have to sleep in a buff to keep my noggin warm. Getting ready for work now has an entirely new normal requiring that I choose my HEADWEAR first, and the outfit second. Wasn't expecting this!
I've probably spent close to $350 on various coverings for my head, and so far nothing I put on makes me feel like me. That's the real issue. I feel like I'm in an unending theatrical production, playing the role of Cancer Patient. How do I look like LeeAnne while I'm wearing something on my head that I never would have chosen pre-hair loss? I don't know. I'll figure it out, but in the meantime, just tell me I look good and leave it at that.
God Bless all of you who are loving me through this crankiness. I know everyone has the best of intentions but I needed to vent. Whine over. For now.
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9 comments:
Whine away. Venting is good. I like this lesson: Cancer Etiquette 101. It let's us know what to say and what not to say, which let me tell you, is soooo refreshing. Eliminates that "oh shit, did I say the wrong thing?" Well, yes. Problem solved, now we can get on with that whole beautiful living part. Big hugs. :-)
Whew! So glad all I told you was that you look beautiful! :-) But I have to say, as I'm reading this entry the other half of my brain was trying to think back to every word I said on the phone yesterday. You have every right to vent these feelings, they're important for everyone. I know from my experience this past year that people say some incredibly stupid things. But they don't mean to, it's human nature to think we need to say *something* ... even when we don't know what to say. People everywhere -- use your ears and not your mouth; offer your shoulder and open arms, not your advice. Thanks, LeeAnne, for keeping us all on track! Like I told you yesterday, I've had such respect for you and been inspired by you since the day I met you.
Awwww, Lam, I'm sorry your head is cold. People feel the need to try to be "helpful" in their statements, and I think it's for them as much as it is for you, if that makes sense. And Rhoda? Good lord, she's about 100 years old now, isn't she? I would have compared you to Kiera Knightly in Pirates of the Caribbean ;-) but I won't. You do look gorgeous bald though, really.
LeeAnne, I'm so glad I have you to follow through this nightmare. You're teaching me what to expect and where I'll possibly be in a week or two. Now I know what to say when my friends and family pull some of these comments on me. I know it's hard for them too, but they aren't the ones who are bald and sick and fighting CANCER! Vent on, sister.
Thanks for this LeeAnne. In new territory like this it's hard to know sometimes what to say and what not to say. I know it is for me anyway. But I also know that if we do say the wrong thing you will let us know! That's just one of the things I love about you. ;-) I wish I was like you in that way.
Love ya Lammie!
LAM. You look beautiful. :)
Wow. Im really glad all I said about your bald bean was that you looked amazing. And you do, you always do, hair or no hair, cah keys or no!
Other than that Mrs Lincoln, how was the play?
Love you muchly!
Brenda
{{{LAM}}} I'm with Noreen. I'm so glad that you are letting us know what to say and what not to say. Sorry to hear that your head is cold. That's something that I never thought would happen being bald.
Love you lots!
I'm pleased to read about cancer etiquette. '
I am the author of the book, "Cancer Etiquette: What to Say, What to Do When Someone You Know or Love Has Cancer" published by Lion books.
As a survivor of both breast cancer and multiple myeloma (an incurable cancer of the bone marrow) I learned first hand how powerful words and deeds can be, both negatively and positively.
If anyone of you wish to contact me, you can reach me at rklibrary@optonline.net.
hang in
Rosanne
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