'Twas the night before chemo...

Check out the new rug! I think it's pretty festive what with all the chunky streaks. Kind of a lot of hair, actually, but that's okay. I had no idea that wigs were so cheap, er, inexpensive. I could have 10 synthetics for the cost of a medium quality human hair wig and synthetics don't require styling! (No comments from the peanut gallery about how cheap they look either...) How did I not know about this magic thing? It's like the big Barbie head I always wanted as a child, only I get to wear it. Head shaving is scheduled for May 30, so I'll debut this bad girl in public shortly thereafter. I suppose she needs a name. Any suggestions?

My port still hurts, but I have lidocaine cream to numb it with for the many giant needle pokes coming my way over the next 4 months, and I know I'll be happy I have it. Just plain weird to have it in me, though. I wonder if I'll ever be able to sleep on my side again.

First chemo tomorrow... have I mentioned how much I love my Ativan? I'm not stressed... just zen... through pharmaceuticals. It's not for nothing that I was a child of the 70's. At this point I'm not scared or nervous, just resigned and ready to kick cancer cell butt. This morning on the way to work the radio was playing Justin Timberlake and every beat of "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" I was visualizing him kicking and stomping on cancer cells. On the beat of course. Chemo is magic and I welcome it. But how my body is going to react remains The Big Question. Stay tuned and I'll let you know.

Back to it

I had the most amazing vacation, filled with the perfect mix of quiet and connecting with incredible people in a beautiful, soul-filled place. All those hours of reading, staring at the horizon, listening to the jungle, laughing over wonderful meals (that I didn't have to cook! Or clean up after!) and deciding when to turn over were amazingly therapeutic. Now I sit in front of the computer and nothing comes out. This is a good thing. Being able to turn off the internal dialogue, at will, is important. I think they call it meditation... Wreaks havoc on my creative process though.

Tomorrow I have what I like to think of as "Chemo U" which will leave me more educated than I could possibly want to be. Friday I am having surgery to get my port put in. My parents are coming to town for that. My first chemo treatment is scheduled for Thursday the 17th. From all I've learned, getting the treatment itself isn't bad - it's several days later that it starts to suck. I'll know more after tomorrow's appointment and if I learn anything exciting, believe me, I'll share.

One thing I did learn for sure on my vacation: I am going to be okay. God told me so. Loudly. Several times.

Amazing.