Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Road Bump Negotiated

It has been months since I've posted here. Months since I've even thought about this blog. For anybody reading this who is facing their own cancer diagnosis, take heart! At least for THIS breast cancer patient, life is back to almost normal. And, in fact, better than it was pre-cancer diagnosis. Really.

I have a new full-time job that I started in April. Yeah. It offers most of what I had hoped for, including a window AND a door. The kids are doing great and seem to have weathered the "sick mom" time without permanent damage. The guitar lessons I gave while on the couch last summer were a huge success and I have quite the budding rock star on my hands. I've been getting out in the yard and tackling projects I could only dream about a year ago. My strength is returning. It isn't what it was but give me a year and it will be.

The hair continues to grow. I've had it cut three times so far - woohoo! I got it colored when I was asked if I qualified for a senior discount. With color it feels more like "me" than when it was grey. My eyelashes and eyebrows continue to fall out at intervals but oh well. My arm still feels funny (and probably will forever) and sometimes swells a bit but so far nothing awful. My biggest complaint is lack of sleep due to hot flashes waking me up every couple of hours and keeping me awake for an hour at a time. Studies show that women who get hot flashes after treatment are less like to have a recurrence so I try and accept the lack of sleep gracefully. And that's really the crux of it all: accepting the changes gracefully and moving into the next phase of life. A good life with my kids, family, friends and FBF in a community that showed me amazing support during a difficult time.

If you've been diagnosed with breast cancer, I highly recommend the supportive online community at http://www.breastcancer.org/. And send me a comment. I'd love to send a kind word your way. If I can get through it, so can you.

Road bump having been successfully negotiated I am out of here!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Not what I expected to have happen last week

I am unemployed.

This should NOT have been a shock to me, given the real estate market's downward trend over the last year. But still. I was there for four years and with 2 days notice, boom, I'm done. It makes me sad that it ended. I will miss my co-workers immensely.

Today is my first day at home. My stomach is churning with anxiety (not helped by intense insomnia last night) over the unknown. It's so hard not to know where one's life is going. It's so hard to realize how little control we all really have. What a ride this year has been! I have to remember that I've been here before. I have stood at the edge of what I know and when I step out there is always a path before me. I just can't see it right now.

Here's a partial list of what my next job will offer: creativity, autonomy, hours 9-3, at least $20 hour equivalent, fun atmosphere, variety, flexibility, easy commute, family friendly, can work some from home, I will be appreciated, and I will have windows.

Now I have to go finish cleaning out the linen closet.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I am overcome

I went to Florida last weekend.

I sat on a beach chair and dozed in the sunshine, listening to the gentle waves and burying my toes in the fine, white sand. I held The FBF's hand. I looked for shells.

I started to cry.

The enormity of the journey I've been on is just starting to hit me. Had I sat down a year ago and imagined where I'd be now I would never in a million years have guessed. What started out as a road bump has been so much more: cancer treatment has left me with an entirely new map filled with roads I'd only dreamed of. And this is the cool part: I love where this journey is taking me. I love my life. I am so overcome with gratitude and happiness lately that sometimes it makes me cry.

Even when I'm sitting on a beach.