There are a lot of people who go on and on about how cancer has been such a great gift to their lives. They've learned all kinds of lessons and gone on to great things. That's super duper, and maybe I'll get to that place, given time and perspective, but right now, mostly, that just sounds like a load of crap.
In my little world, cancer treatment has been and continues to be a major pain in the ass. Final chemo recovery is painfully slow. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I am fatigued by the act of walking through the house and to top it off I don't think I have enough eyelashes to put mascara on anymore. Talk about humbling. As I've said many times before, it is temporary, I KNOW that, but DAMN it does try my patience every single day. Especially when my fatigue gets in the way of being mom.
Except the thing is, as much as I don't want it to be, this ordeal has given me gifts. I had no idea I was so loved. So supported. I think I have felt, well, for lack of a better term in my tired brain: invisible to the world for quite a long time, and cancer treatment has a way of removing that. Quite literally, I don't blend in anymore and I am set apart. But all through this, from people I've known forever to some I've not even met, there have been cards, emails, flowers, offers of help, lucky charms, art, meals, beach stays, visits and more. Such support. I had no idea so many people cared. I understand the lesson. I embrace the love and support (and I have to. God told me so.) And I accept the gifts.
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4 comments:
You ARE loved by so many people. It's karma coming back to you for all of the wonderful deeds you've done for years. I understand everything you're saying and feeling. Although my life changing situation wasn't cancer, I've had the same feelings as you. And most times the "cheerleading" is very frustrating, but we know the cheerleaders mean well. Please remember that you're a good mom, a good daughter, a good friend...and very loved. I've seen all of it first-hand.
Well, yes, I suppose the silver lining here is that you are loved and supported. Good to know! And in your heart of hearts, you did know that all along, but now seeing it in action, yes, thats a cool thing, I guess it could be called a gift. The physical outpouring of love and support is a gift. The cancer, eh, not so much. But I think Im with you on it being a huge PITA. Not one that you wont get thru, because of course you WILL, but still, it sucks at times. Hang in there!
I agree with you on that life lessons load of crap. :-)
You earned every ounce of that love and support, cancer or not.
I wish I could jar up some patience with a pretty bow and give it to you. Do they sell patience at Target?
Love ya-
Gifts I've gotten from cancer: meeting people like you who make this a less lonely journey.
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