Adventures in Couch World

Day six apres last chemo and I am managing about 10 minutes upright before I get light-headed. Here's the view from Couch World. What you can't see is my giant coffee table holding everything I might ever need: water, chapstick, telephones, laptop, books, fan, newspapers, etc. I might as well be in a studio apartment for having my entire life confined to this tiny corner of the living room!

My parents and my friend Claudia left this morning and the house is very quiet but I am by no means alone.

I have Shandy the Wonder Dog.

When no one else is here she lays down next to my couch. She stays there for hours. She doesn't say a word but I sure do feel the love. She has been such a constant through all this. Everybody going through cancer treatment should have at least one Wonder Dog.

And God gave me a big ol' hola this morning. Said "Told you I'd get you through this. You're almost done. And I have more surprises in store for you. Good ones." So there's that.

Always something to ponder in Couch World. What's next? Stay tuned.

Final Recuperation

This is my last chemo recovery! Yeah!

It's slow. Five days out and there's still an amazing amount of bone and joint pain. I was very weak to start with so I'm not upright much, or for long, but from here on out it is just recovery recovery recovery. No more chemical poisoning.

Yes I know I still have radiation, and I know it won't be all easy, but it will be easier than this.

This is my last climb out of the chemo abyss. And I am happy about that.

As promised

As promised, a picture showing that indeed, my head is sprouting hair again! It's white and ultra-fine. Other women have told me this is common, it may even turn out to be temporarily grey for awhile, but will then probably become brown, and even curly. Well it was brown and curly before, sort of, so that wouldn't be too big a change.

Anyway, it's a sign of life from above. And it will be an ongoing adventure.

This picture also shows how thin and pale my brows have become (thank GOD for eyebrow pencil, not used here though) and maybe you can see that I have gaps in my eyelashes, maybe not. I had a lot to start with, so that probably helps.

I'm all ramped up on steroids today (see my puffy eyes?) I've been doing battle with my insurance company and really, if a person is going to have to do that, being on steroids helps!

I did it!

I'm officially now 2/3 of the way finished with cancer treatment. This calls for a big old woohoo! I made it through scary, icky chemotherapy and I will NEVER have to sit in a chemo recliner again! Knock wood. Thank you so much everybody, for the lovely emails and comments today. Thank you Katie, for sending so many good vibes my way. It was a wonderful send off to chemo to have an email box full of good wishes. Also big thanks to Claudia, for being here, and to my parents, as always, for being with me through every never ending chemo appointment.

I'm happily clutching a prescription for stronger pain meds, and I've decided that if Darvocet doesn't kick my bone and joint paint I'll keep calling the oncologist's nurse until something does. If I'm going to stay home and be in recovery mode I might as well be on good drugs. It's going to be a couple of weeks of hell, but give me three weeks and I just bet I'll feel tons better.

Just in time to start radiation.

That's right. Next up, starting mid-September, getting burnt 5 days a week for 6 weeks. The first 3 weeks will be a relative cakewalk, the last 3 I'll most like be quite fatigued, but I know what that's about. And my port can't come out until a month after radiation, so that's that.

Oh and I have very blond peach fuzz on my head. It's funny and reminds me of my son's hair when he was a baby. It might fall out, but it might not. Eyebrows and eyelashes are still thinning by the day. Maybe tomorrow I'll post a picture of the follicular activity.

I can't believe I did it! I'm done with chemo! Yeah!

Last One

Tomorrow I have my very last chemo.

I dread it.

The last one was so hard on me. I still ache all over. I'm weak and fatigued, plagued by hot flashes, insomnia, numb feet and tingling hands. I can't go to work. I can't walk the dog. I'm beaten down. It's been 2 weeks since my last chemo and I still feel like shit.

How much farther down I can go? How much worse can I feel? Will I even be able to walk in a week?

I so do not want to do this.

But I will. One last time.

Have I mentioned how much I hate cancer treatment?

Gratitude for Food

Ever since my surgery in April, other people have been providing food for my family. My neighbor Pam, who happens to have a fabulous personal chef service, created a "bring meals to LeeAnne's family" calendar and it has been just about the very best thing ever. Neighbors, friends, co-workers, even a few people I hardly know have taken time out of their schedules to feed us.

One of my favorite things about these meal deliveries is that sometimes I can talk the deliverer into sitting down and having a little visit. There have been nights when the kids are at their dad's house, and I've not gone to work and perhaps haven't talked to anyone all day. I'm like a 95 year old shut-in getting her Meals on Wheels on those days! Reality is I'm not alone all that much, but I have had days that have felt that way. God bless these patient people who will sit with me a little while and listen to me whine about my aches and pains! Bless them even more that they don't freak out when I burst into tears, as I've done on SO many occasions. Thanks for dinner and WAH! I've also had the opportunity to talk to some neighbors that I've rarely spoken to over the years. The meal deliveries have created a little bit of community building, and that is a very cool thing.

And I can't help but feel like be it home cooked, take out, or pizza delivery, the fact that people care enough to provide for us makes the food all that much better. More nutritious somehow. Thank you everyone, and I look forward to the time that I am healthy enough to pay it forward.

Okay but

OW!

Bone pain BAD! Joint pain BAD! I hurt EVERYWHERE!

It makes me want to spew profanities and throw things. However, I will continue to concentrate on the fact that this is temporary. I will. In a week or so I will be able to stop taking pain pills and I will feel better. In time to do this again, but FOR THE LAST TIME!

The beach was lovely. Beautiful house, comfy couches, great view. I tried really hard not to be frustrated by my inability to get out and enjoy. Good enough for now to lay there and read and enjoy my parents' company.

Off to take more ibuprofen.

Sailing Through

Today I completed Taxol #3, chemo number 7 - Only One More Left! Hurray! This infusion went well. I was able to get my Benedryl dose cut in half and therefore avoided the twitchy legs that have plagued my last 2 infusions and made them very uncomfortable. In 2 weeks I have my LAST chemo people! Champagne for all!

The infusion room's wifi is spotty but worked well enough today for me to sign up for Race for the Cure. I created "Team Lulu" and anyone who wishes to is welcome to donate or even join. You don't have to even show up - there's an option called "Sleep in for the Cure!" You can find my race page here.

After my Neulasta shot tomorrow evening I'm off to the beach with my parents to recuperate. The change of scenery works wonders.

I need to give kudos to M, my ex-husband, for taking our kids to the Families with Cancer support group tonight while I was at chemo. Not something every ex would do, and I really appreciate being able to count on him to operate with the kids' best interests in mind. They loved it, and brought me this wonderful poster they made tonight.

And a shout out to my friend John who gave me a little kick in the butt today by reminding me that I am truly sailing through chemo. Many people don't. Thanks John. I needed to hear that.

And Now, a Break...

...from our regularly scheduled programming.

It's time for this blog to lighten up a little bit. I thought I would share a little something that has made me happy for nearly 20 years now:


If you're using Firefox, you'll need to click here for a YouTube version. 'Cuz I don't want to leave ANYONE out:

Bad Medicine

Oh the big hair and flashing smile. The driving beat and meaningless lyrics. This was the video that introduced me to the loveliness that is Jon Bon Jovi. The music is fine and all, but DAMN, the man does know how to smile.


Doesn't that somehow make everything better?

Don't Stare

Today at the gas station the attendant said "nice hair do, you do that yourself?" "Chemo, I said." And followed that up with "cancer treatment" by way of further explanation as English was not his first language. "What kind of cancer?" he asked. "Breast cancer," I replied.

And I kid you not, his eyes went down to my chest and he started tracing circles with his fingers on his own boy-breasts as he stared at mine. Obviously trying to figure out, in a not particularly stealthy fashion, exactly the state of my post-cancerous breast(s).

Um, ick. In fact I would go so far as to say it was really creepy.